Finding Peace in Solitude
by GlarthirSkingrad
Summary: After escaping the horrors in Helgen, Auburn finds herself not remembering anything from her past besides short glimpses from the city of Solitude. Despite the amnesia, she tries to find peace in Skyrim, while dealing with a world in flames and trying to find her old life.
1. Chapter 1: Escape from Helgen

**Finding Peace in Solitude **

_After escaping the horrors in Helgen, Auburn finds herself not remembering anything from her past besides short glimpses from the city of Solitude. Despite the amnesia, she tries to find peace in Skyrim, while dealing with a world in flames and trying to find her old life._

Chapter 1

After barely making it out of the burning town Helgen, she finally had a moment to catch her breath and slow down. She was all confused, so she sat down beside the water just outside a small village called Riverwood. The screams of the people being killed by the dragon still echoed inside her mind. The weather was fine now; a bit chilly, but the sun was shining, and the flowers were in bloom. She took a look around: nothing seemed familiar to her. She was dressed in prisoner's clothes, and the cuffs were still attached to each of her hands, looking like a couple of ugly bracelets. At least the soldier she met while fleeing Helgen had had the courtesy to chop off the chain. She looked into the water to see her reflection, and the woman she saw in the water didn't really seem recognizable to her either. The reflection showed a woman in her twenties covered in dirt. She washed it off and saw that the person in the water was a rather good-looking young woman with a remarkable scar on her cheekbone. It looked like it was made by an animal's paw with its three cuts. She had grey-blue eyes and a funny-looking nose. Her lips were red, and her facial structure a bit butch, but when she smiled she managed to look feminine too. Her hair was braided into two braids on the back of her head, and the colour of the hair was dark red with a bit of blonde in it too.

"So this is me", she said to herself in distrust. She remembered nothing but the glimpses of a city called Solitude she had caught in her sleep: a big, beautiful, gothic city with tall buildings and a great castle. It was her only clue to find out what had happened.

During the escape from Helgen, she had realized that she was quite handy with a sword, so maybe she was some kind of a warrior? She still had the sword and some other things that she had taken from the dead soldiers in Helgen. She didn't really like stealing, even though they were dead, so at least now she knew that she had some kind of decency at least.

She got up and walked into Riverwood. Everywhere people looked at her like she was a real outsider, but she didn't mind. She walked over to the general store to sell some of the stuff she had collected.

The shop owner gave her a funny look too, but accepted her merchandise and paid her for the weapons.

"I'm going to Solitude. Can you show me the way?", she asked him politely. He frowned and squeezed his eyes tightly together examining her closely.

"You're not from here?", a woman then asked. She was poorly dressed and looked tired and weary.

"No, I'm not".

"Really? You sure look like a Nord with your fair skin and strong body", the woman answered. She smiled briefly, before the woman showed her the directions: Through the mountains and past the town Morthal and then just north-west.

She said thank you and went on her way. She walked for a long time, and the snow started covering the ground as soon as she met the mountains. The temperature dropped too, and her cold prisoner's clothes weren't enough to keep her warm. The snow started falling while she was contemplating what the woman had said about her being a Nord. She smiled – at least it was another clue.

The darkness had fallen when she finally reached Morthal. It was still snowing and she was so cold that she could barely stand. She walked past the jarl's house and past the swampy areas to the Moorside Inn. She needed a bed to sleep in, so she opened the door and the first thing she saw was a burning fire, which immediately made her feel warmer. The inn was cosy, built by wood, and there were only a couple of other guests. A dark Elf was walking around looking angry and he barely looked her way. Alongside the walls, there were tables, and a few men sat quietly and drank their mead.

"Tough day?", the barmaid then asked her. She was friendly-looking and smiling. "I can offer a hot meal and a bed to sleep in", she continued.

"That sounds good", she answered and walked to the counter at the end of the room.

"Where are you heading in this awful weather?", the barmaid then asked while pouring something hot into a mug.

"Solitude".

"Solitude? Where are you from?", she kept asking.

"Erh, from Helgen", she answered and left the counter to sit in the back of the room close to the fire.

"Helgen? Did you witness that madness with the dragon?", the barmaid asked, but she walked away to sit down to avoid the barmaid's questions. She wasn't able to answer them anyway.

The barmaid took the hint, "Okay, I'm Jonna by the way".

She sat down by the fire with her hot drink and relaxed. A big guy pushed aside his chair from across the room and approached her. She looked up at him. He had a worn but friendly face. He carried an axe and was wearing warrior's clothes.

"Good evening, ma'am", he said and looked at her. She got a little tense. She nodded at him.

"I'm Benor, beautiful lady", he then continued and sat down in a chair next to her. He was smiling a confident smile, and it annoyed her.

"Hi Benor", she just answered and looked into her drink again. The barmaid came with her food: Freshly-caught salmon with vegetables. It smelled delicious.

"Don't disturb the poor girl, Benor", she said and ran her fingers teasingly through his dark-blonde hair. He laughed and whistled after Jonna, when she walked back. He was _that _kind of guy apparently. A ladies man, but probably harmless.

"What's your name, miss auburn", he then said brushing her red-blonde braid away from her neck. His touch was light and soft. She actually found herself liking it. After taking a bite of her fish she smiled and looked at him. He wasn't exactly good-looking, but he was alright. He was probably a bit older than her, but she didn't mind. She found herself liking the attention.

"My name is Auburn", she answered not really remembering what her actual name was, but Auburn seemed to suit her.

"Appropriate", he almost whispered and caressed her hair again.

She pushed herself back in the chair to relax a bit more.

"Who are you then? Besides Benor", she asked and let her foot touch his slightly.

"Well", he said with a smile, liking her attitude, "I'm the best damn fighter around here in Morthal", he answered confidently and leaned forward to get closer to her.

"That is quiet a crown to put on your own head. I bet I could beat you in a hand-to-hand fight", she teased in a joking way. She quickly realized that she was good at seducing men. A skill that maybe would come in handy on her way.

Benor laughed a warm laughter:

"A little woman like you? I don't think so", he laughed and touched her knee with the back of his hand.

"You could let me try? 100 gold pieces to the winner", she proposed while leaning towards him, putting her mouth close to his ear. It seemed too easy to be true, and Auburn gave him her prettiest you-can't-say-no-to-me smile. She really needed the money.


	2. Chapter 2: Benor

Auburn was sure that she was good at fighting, and this was a good way to test it. As expected, Benor was unable to reject her, so he gave in and agreed to start a fight.

They both got up, and she waited for him to start the attack. He tried to grab her, but he was slow. She took advantage of that and kicked him in the belly. It hurt and he crouched over. All eyes were on Auburn; even Jonna the barmaid and the other guests had gathered around to watch the funny fight. He tried to catch her again – this time with stronger force, but she managed to stay out of his reach.

"You gotta be faster", she teased him. She could tell that he tried to be cool about it, but it also annoyed him that she was better than him. He threw another punch at her, and this time he hit her and grabbed her arm. He twisted it around, and it really hurt, but Auburn gave nothing away. Not the faintest scream.

"And you have to be stronger", he whispered into her ear while holding her close and her arm on her back. She could feel his breath on her cheek. She laughed a bit before bending her leg to kick him right on the knee. The kick was powerful and it hit perfectly. He fell on the floor, letting go of her, and quickly she got him all the way down and twisted his arm around. He was in pain, and his groans gave it away. The bystanders were laughing, especially a tanned girl with a very low-cut dress.

"Okay, you win", he finally gave in, and she let go of his arm. Instead she sat on top of him and held his arms down. This time he didn't resist. She smiled and put her lips to his ear:

"Maybe you can have a consolation prize", she whispered, and he smiled immediately. She found him nice, and she really wanted company. Maybe she could even make good use of him.

She got up and finished her meal. Benor joined her and sat down laughing.

"I knew you were weak, Benor, but not that weak. You were beaten by a little girl", the girl with the low-cut dress taunted him while walking past him. She looked obnoxious and snobbish, and Auburn instantly disliked her.

"For your information, I'm not a little girl, and I'd be happy to give you the same treatment", she then surprised herself by saying to the girl. Everybody noticed and looked astonished at the girl-fight.

"Oh, what a lady you are. Great score, Benor", the girl then said. Auburn didn't even bother to turn her head around to look at her:

"At least I have company. Isn't it a bit lonely over there by the bar?", she teased back, and even the angry dark Elf cracked a smile. The girl seemed to blush as she had no company and sat alone by the bar with her mead.

Benor laughed and looked at Auburn, impressed:

"That hurt, I believe", he laughed.

"Who is she?", Auburn asked and ate the last bite.

"Alva. Everybody is a little tense around her. Her boyfriend, Hroggar, had just buried his wife and kid and two days later they were a couple. People in town believe that she might have had something to do with the fire, where the wife and the kid died", Benor explained.

"Seems bad", was all Auburn said. She didn't have room for other people's problems right now. Instead she smiled to Benor again, and he put her 100 gold on the table. She collected them and hid them away. The money had really saved her day.

"You mentioned a consolation prize?", Benor then asked, leaning forward and letting his hand touch her thigh. She smiled back and pointed at herself. He understood, got up and took her hand. He put his arm around her shoulder and led her into the biggest room and closed the door. Auburn couldn't deny that she really wanted his touch, and this also meant that she was able to save the money she would otherwise spend on renting a room for the night. Benor even paid for her dinner, and she had won 100 gold pieces.

She took a look around the room. It was clean and neat but not exactly luxurious. She walked over to the bed and loosened up her hair.

"Let me", Benor then said. He walked up behind her and placed himself close to her. His chest was almost touching her back, and their hands touched when she handed the braids to him. Silently, he started loosening up the braids, and he was very gentle. Not like that brawling man she had just fought against. He leaned against her and kissed her neck. Instantly she froze; then again this was also the first kiss she was able to remember. That got her thinking about whether she had a boyfriend or husband somewhere. She ignored it since it was impossible to find out now anyway. He combed her hair with his fingers, and then he put his hands on her upper-arms, squeezing them softly. Auburn closed her eyes and moaned a bit. It felt nice. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his jaw.

"I really like you, warrior Auburn", he whispered, and they both chuckled. He seemed more and more sweet to her.

"I want to know more about you", he then said. She laughed quietly to herself and turned around to make him stop talking about that. She kissed him on his lips, and immediately he kissed her back more passionately. He let his hands move across her chest squeezing her breasts softly. That made her moan even more and she pulled his shirt off. She kissed his naked torso, which was sort of fit. He had a couple of battle scars, and she licked them with her tongue.

He pulled her ruined prisoner's gown off, and she was completely naked now. He looked satisfied at her body and laid her down on the bed, and for a while they made love on the soft bed.

Auburn almost smiled when she rolled over to her side of the bed, feeling satisfied. Actually, she wanted to leave now, but he grabbed her tenderly and embraced her. She felt a bit confused.

"Don't go, sweetheart", he almost begged her and held her tight in his warm arms. He kissed the top of her head and caressed her naked arms.

"Okay", she just said and relaxed in his arms. She actually started to like him.

"Now tell me everything", he then said, kissing her hair again, "I will never forget this red hair", he continued and played with her hair. She smiled.

"I thought you were that kind of guy who only wanted the sex part", she then said to avoid the question.

"Normally yes, but you are something special. Come on, give me something", he then said. For a moment, his praise really warmed her, and she contemplated telling him about her amnesia. Maybe he could be helpful.

"Okay, but you will be surprised. I can't remember anything. I remember being in Helgen, but that is my earliest memory. I'm not kidding", she then said. He stopped caressing her and turned her around to look at her. He looked bewildered before pulling her back into his embrace.

"Really? You don't remember who you are?". She shook her head.

"No, I don't. I just remember waking up in Helgen with a bunch of other prisoners. I must have done something horrible to have been there".

"I don't believe that", he defended her; "maybe you just stole an apple. You know, the Imperials imprison people for even the smallest crimes. Once I spent a week in jail for a bar fight". She laughed.

"I believe that, from the way you fight", she joked, and he laughed too while tightening his grip around her.

"So you are going to Solitude?", he asked.

"Yes, I sometimes see these glimpses of a city called Solitude in my mind, so I'm heading there. Maybe something can make me remember there. I really want to know who I am and where I'm from", she said, feeling worried about her future.

"Am I a Nord?", she then asked. He laughed.

"Most definitely. Like me", he laughed back.

"Good. Then there is something I am sure of. Maybe there are other Nords in Solitude, who might know me".

"There are Nords in Windhelm too. And you can also try Whiterun. A lot of travellers come by there every day. They always seem to know everything and everybody", he suggested. She nodded.

"That's a good idea", she answered and disentangled herself from his embrace. She kissed his nose and snuggled down under the blanket on her side, away from him.

"You can also stay in Morthal. There is also at least one Nord", he said with a laugh and lay down beside her to spoon with her. She let him do it while looking out into the room, which went dark the moment she blew out the candles.

"Thank you for your help, Benor. You are my first friend that I can remember", she said softly, closing her eyes. She needed the sleep to get up early and get on her way. Benor had been helpful, but this was also the last time she wanted to see him. Her focus was Solitude and not a random warrior from small-town Morthal.


	3. Chapter 3: Meeting Falk Firebeard

Early next morning, Auburn woke up. The fire in the inn was all out, and it was cold even under the blanket that she shared with Benor. She got out of his arms and searched the cabinets for warmer clothes than her prisoner's gown. She smiled and found a warm, cotton dress in white and blue colours. She put it on and collected her things. She looked one last time at Benor, who was sound asleep. He looked peaceful and caring like he had been last night. She looked at his night stand and found two medallions: One of gold and another made by leather. Silently, she reached out for the one in leather. She wanted to remember him, so she grabbed it and put it around her neck. Then she quietly left the room and the inn. Morthal was still asleep too, and so was the sun. There was snow in the air, but it wasn't falling yet. She passed the mill and went on her way to Solitude.

The road to Solitude was swampy and cold, but also uneventful. She didn't mind that at all. Soon she was able to see Solitude as a silhouette. The sun was rising and shining in the city, which seemed very royal and proud. She passed Katla's farm and the stables, where the horses were eating calmly. She got to the city gates. The guard stepped out in front of her:

"What's your business in Solitude?", he asked.

Auburn shook her head a bit to show off her beautiful hair while smiling to the guard.

"Just passing through, soldier". Her smiles seemed to be contagious, and without further questions he let her in.

Inside the city walls, Auburn was met with an impressive sight: The city was indeed beautiful with well-kept shops and the big castle behind them. Still nothing seemed familiar, though. She thought about finding general Tullius from the Imperial Legion, as the soldier she saved in Helgen told her to do. He had told her that Tullius would welcome her in his army, and she thought about joining this legion. Then she would have a place to sleep and eat. She knew she could fight too.

She decided to wait and walked through the city instead. It was so beautiful and she started to recognize images from her flashbacks. She suddenly remembered the big palace called the Blue Palace and the houses next to the paths through the city. She walked to the Blue Palace and entered it. It was beautifully decorated and the broad stairway made her feel all royal. At the end of the stairway, the court appeared and there was a throne, where the jarl was sitting. Around her were her counsellors. A man approached Auburn, introducing him as the thane. He was not friendly and had a disturbing look on his face.

"I'm just here to help. I heard that the city was in need of help", Auburn said. She had just heard some women at the market discussing certain problems that were troubling Solitude.

"Really?", he said with disbelief in his voice. Auburn nodded.

"Ask Falk Firebeard", he just said and walked away.

"Firebeard?", Auburn said to herself. She knew that name. As soon as she looked up, she knew exactly who Falk Firebeard was – it was the man in the brown robe next to the jarl with brown hair and a butch look. She was staring at him, and suddenly he looked at her too. Instantly, he walked towards her, clearly recognizing her. She was astonished and felt a bit nervous.

"You are back. By the Divines!", he said and grabbed her upper arms. He was a tall man, so he knelt down and gave her a scrutinizing look.

"Come on", he said and led her down the stairs and into a long corridor.

"Let's go in here", he then said and almost pushed her into a big bedroom, which was clearly not for the poor. Then again, the Blue Palace was also the finest place in town, maybe in all of Skyrim.

"I never thought I was going to see you again, my dear. I hope you are not mad at me anymore", he said and this time he hugged her tightly.

"Who are you again?", she then asked. He seemed confused.

"What do you mean?".

She unattached herself from him and sat down on the soft bed.

"I mean, who are you? I don't really know you. And why would I be mad at you?". He looked even more confused.

"Dear, it's me. Falk. Your man", he then said and sat down beside her.

"I don't remember you. Only your name", she then said and moved further away from him. He got up.

"Are you kidding me?", he asked.

She shook her head.

"No, I am not. I don't remember anything. I escaped the dragon attack in Helgen, that's all I remember".

"You were in Helgen? That's where you went?", he asked.

Auburn looked up at him. She vaguely remembered his face, but that was all.

"I looked for you everywhere. I thought you had run off with Addvar. That's what everybody said", he continued.

"I don't remember. Who is Addvar? And what did you say about being my man?", she then asked. The thought of being this guy's girl made her feel queasy. She did not know him at all.

He sat down next to her again and took her hands.

"My sweet girl, we are together. Addvar is nobody. Well, I asked you to marry me, and you said yes", he explained and smiled. His smile was nice though.

"Wow, that's a lot to take in, since I remember nothing", she answered. She felt very frightened, but he seemed sincere.

"I don't understand", Falk then said, scratching his beard, "why don't you remember anything?". He looked worriedly at her. His gaze pierced her eyes and she looked away before getting up again.

"I don't know. I don't know anything", Auburn answered, "but if you know me, then tell me a bit about me. Who am I?". She took a step back to be able to get a better look at this guy who was supposedly her fiancé. He knit his eyebrows together and frowned.

"What's wrong?", she asked without hesitation.

"Nothing, nothing at all", he said, looking up at her with a smile, "having to tell you about your past is just not a funny thing". He got up and took her hand. He squeezed it a little and looked at her with sad eyes.

"Go on", Auburn said, not wanting to show that she felt uneasy.

"Well, your parents died when you were a child, and you were raised at the orphanage in Riften. All your life, you have been poor until you came of age and left the orphanage to pursue happiness. You met a man in Morthal, with whom you fell in love. You were quite handy with a blade, so you worked as one of the jarl's personal bodyguards, but your man in Morthal left you, and then you left for Solitude", Falk told her. She sat down to take it all in.

"Really? That sounds like an awful life!", she said, but unable not to crack a smile, "it really sounds awful!", she continued with laughter. Falk sat down beside her again, still holding her hand. She had made him smile too.

"And then I met you?", Auburn then guessed.

"Yes, sort of. You were unable to get a job here, but I met you at the inn called the Winking Skeever, and it was love at first sight. You had just moved in here with me in my private quarters at the Blue Palace, when you went missing", Falk continued. "Your favourite colour is green and your favourite dish is lamb chops with baked potatoes. You are extremely funny and witty and then you are incredibly beautiful", he said with a charming smile, putting his hand on her chin, "when you are clean!". He laughed and put his head next to hers and kissed her chin. She did not move; her brain was too busy thinking about everything she had just heard. At first, she was sure he was lying, but as he started touching her tenderly and sounding so convincing, she changed her mind; maybe this was her story, and if it was, then it might not be a bad one after all.

"I will go take a bath, then", she said, avoiding his touch.

"Okay, the bathroom is down the hall, two doors to the right", he said and smiled to her. She smiled back and went into the hallway. She did not walk down the hall; instead, she left the Blue Palace, heading towards the Winking Skeever to find answers.


End file.
